The trauma of growing up with undiagnosed female autism

Written on 22nd Aug 2016 by Sylvia Lowery

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I recently read this art article ‘ The Gas-lighting of Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum.’ I have to confess that I had didn’t know what ‘Gas-lighting’ was.’  After a little research I found that Gas-lighting is an attempt by one person to overwrite another persons reality. How can  the term ‘Gas-lighting’ refer to a women on the spectrum when the woman has never been in an abusive relationship? Here are my thoughts in on this please feel free to agree or disagree.

A female on the spectrum seems to feel their difference with everyone else from their earliest times. They are often left without a diagnosis and they study human behaviour to learn to blend in. One young woman on the spectrum was analysing conversations in films and books as soon as she could read she says, ” I have never just read books and watched films for pleasure, I always analyse them.” Despite such dedication and study to how to behave many females on the spectrum find that their attempts at socialising in their teens leads to rejection, bullying and a feeling of failure. This leads to a cycle of emotional harm that causes a the woman to lose touch with who they are and to they are not able to have a firm grasp on reality. Society has continually disbelieved their struggles and this means that they begin to feel that their struggles are made up and they are only pretending to struggle. They also may feel that their problems are all their own fault. Teachers may have told them that the bullying is their own fault because they always annoy people by what they say. Parents may try to make them fit in and behave like a typical teen but when they have tried it doesn’t work and they don’t feel believed. All this experience leads to a point where the woman on the spectrum is left questioning their own reality. The majority of professional don’t recognise autism in females which means that the women is left without a diagnosis or explanation for how they feel. They are also denied the valuable peer support that would help them to believe there own reality.

It is not difficult to see why females on the spectrum develop severe depression, suicidal thoughts. anxiety and a complete mistrust for the human race.

What can be done to prevent this from happening?

Training – I feel that the first step towards preventing this from happening is for professional to be given more training in how autism manifests itself among females. This would be a start because a diagnosis would help a young girl to understand why she experiences the world as she does.

Listen and believe – This may seem obvious, but children are not listened to or believed. My daughter has EDS and Pots she was dismissed by medical professionals for 15 years of her life. Her pain was dismissed and they made her feel like she was making it up. This has had a terrible impact upon her and she struggles to even speak to medics because she doesn’t trust them. Adults often have their own presuppositions and they do not realise how must they impose those prejudices onto children. In general children don’t lie about pain, anxiety or isolation. It’s real and should be believed.

Person centred – As a trainee counsellor I have studied and thought a lot about being ‘person centred’. I observe that it is a term that is claimed frequently but very few people really know what it means. Sadly you can’s be person centred unless you really listen and believe the person. You also can’t be person centred if you are following a set approach for everyone. Just spend the next conversation you are having with someone really listening, work to see the world from that persons perspective. This will give a small idea of what the person is feeling and how you can begin to be person centred.

Unconditional love and acceptance – Don’t wait for a crisis to occur, learn to accept children who are different. Love their special gifts and talents, love them for who they are and learn to look for reasons rather than just make assumption that are very likely to be wrong.

There are many other steps that can be taken but the above suggestions are a good start.

 

 

 

 

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