Are people with Aspergers/autism chatterboxes or super quiet?
Written on 22nd Feb 2017 by Alex Lowery
There are people who have rather fixed ideas as to how talkative or quiet a person on the autism spectrum is. In this article, I will be writing about this. I will also be discussing what has sometimes been believed to be one of the main differences between Aspergers and regular autism. Now, before I continue… I will say that I am aware that the diagnosis of Aspergers (in the USA at least, and does seem to be being brought over here) is no longer autism spectrum canon. And rather most types of ASD have all been brought under the one diagnosis of ‘Autism Spectrum Disorder’ which I for one am mostly in favour for. However, Aspergers is still a term a lot of people use, so it is something I will be bringing into this article. In most of my articles I use the word ‘autism’ to refer to people all over the spectrum, but I want to discuss possibly believed differences here.
You’ll often hear that people on the autism spectrum are very quiet and shy. This can be the case but it is from “always” the case. I’ve also heard people say that those with ‘Aspergers Syndrome’ specifically tend to talk too much to the point where they bore other people. I remember being told this when I was in my pre teens to early teens and as a result, I basically got it into my head that the difference between Aspergers and regular autism was that people with Aspergers were chatterboxes (that spoke so much that they annoyed everyone) and people with regular autism were really shy and quiet individuals. I think I even got it into my head that talking too much was essentially what Aspergers was. I’d see a chatterbox and start thinking “Oh, I think so and so has Asperger!”
Of course I now know that is far from the case. While, I can say that those with a diagnosis of Classic autism or HFA are probably more likely to be quiet than those with an AS diagnosis. And those with an AS diagnosis are more likely to be chatty (since most experts tend to agree that there is (generally speaking) more of a desire for friendships, relationships and general socialisation in Aspergers than in general autism)… It certainly is not as black and white as that, nor is that the key difference between the two. I have known people with an AS diagnosis who are very quiet and withdrawn and there are also those who had an autism diagnosis (before they were brought under the one diagnosis this is) who are super talkative. I’ve even seen those with Profound Non-Verbal autism who love to be around people and are even sociable despite being unable to talk.
The thing is when it comes to the autism spectrum (and by now I’m including all types of autism along with Aspergers) some people are very talkative and others aren’t. It is also a mistake to believe that if someone is talkative, that must mean they’re “sociable”. No it doesn’t. I mean, it really doesn’t! You might find this ironic but you can actually be very chatty but still be unsociable.
To be Sociable means you’re outgoing. You go out of your way to talk to people and you like having opportunities to interact. There are people on the autism spectrum that may not be so much outgoing but still talk in great detail about things they’re interested in and when they talk, they talk a lot. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want time to themselves though, or that they’ll be ‘sociable’ in day-to-day social settings.
I myself have an autism diagnosis, not an Aspergers diagnosis. I am also a Public Speaker and awareness trainer on the subject of the autism spectrum. A lot of people assume (because of my job) I must be a super outgoing person with loads of friends. But I’m not! I mean, I’m really not! I don’t find social interaction easy at all and I have rather few friends. In fact I’m not even sure I want really close friends because I like to have a lot of time to myself.
However, I for one can fit into both the categories I brought up earlier. I can both talk a lot and very little. I’m basically someone who will only talk when I have something necessary to say. I also find that when I do have something to say, I feel the need to say it. In these instances I can talk too much. I can talk with a loud voice and in great detail. It doesn’t feel right when I don’t get to say what I desire to speak of. On the other side, when I don’t have anything to say, I can be the opposite. A.K.A… Painfully quiet! Conversations can also be really one sided (from the person I’m speaking to) when I have nothing to say. This is why I prefer to have conversations about subjects of interest then I can talk for a long time.
So in reality, like everything with autism… How talkative or quiet an individual on the spectrum is will depend greatly on the person, and this can be applicable to both regular autism and Asperger Syndrome. You don’t have to fit into either category to be autistic either. There are people on the spectrum who full somewhere in the middle. I hope you enjoyed this article.
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A very enlightening article Alex, I look forward to boring you tomorrow.
I agree with you I am on the spectrum and talk a ton. One time I talked for eleven hours straight! (No joking or exhilarating.) I used to be non verbal, but then I got speech therapy for it. Then, I started saying vocabulary words that where way out of my age group.
I am concerned about how we treat Asperger’s//autistic people
I am organising a meet and great forum in the cannock area
Might you be able to join us?
Kindest regards
Sandra
My coworker, who has Asperger’s, definitely talks too much… What is the best way to tell him to STFU???? He is INCREDIBLY ANNOYING and I don’t know how to handle it because all of the regular social cues fly right by him. Thanks.
I’m an Aspie talker. I’m aware I talk too much and I’m mortified I do it but I can’t stop. If my coworker would say that I need to take a break because their brains are overwhelmed I would not be insulted. If they would realize I’m handicapped and there is no cure then I would try and be quiet when reminded. We talkers are insulted and mistreated. It’s as real a problem as a non-working limb, blindness, deafness… I wish a medical treatment could be given to all talkers then everyone would be happy. To sum it up, please understand talkers are aware but cannot control it and if you remind them nicely that they are giving to much information then they will probably be quiet…for a while, anyway.
This is a great reply. I have a subordinate that can talk way too much and disrupt meetings. I do remind him to be quiet and listen. He always apologises and says – I have autism and am socially awkward, I can’t help it –
When he starts again I will look and raise a finger to my lips. He will stop.
I sometimes feel like I am treating him like a child and worry from that perspective but believe we do have a good relationship. PS. He has definitely told fibs at work to me. I didn’t think that was possible.
Subordinate?
I am so glad that I have found this site. I am a mum of a 25 year old son, who has adhd and aspergers. Life is such a struggle for him at the moment, he is trying to fit in with people.
Mathew had such a very bad speech impediment when he was younger, then he had speech therapy and there’s been no stopping him lol.
The problem is he doesn’t get social cues, Mathew used to be a big lad and he got friends with an owner of a gym, so this person started training him and my son put him on a very high pedi stool, anyway this person got married yesterday and my son was invited. Anyway I am trying to cut this story down, Mathew had fallen asleep. So people were taking the mick out of him and I’m so sorry to say, even the owner of the gym and it was a bloke who goes to the gym stepped in to protect my son and brought him home. When we were talking my son said, he was trying to talk to people, but people were just ignoring him.
My son is destroyed, I honestly don’t know what to do and say to him.
He is such a good lad with an extremely big heart and all he wants is friends. He just wants to be included
I am so sorry I really am for going on, it must be so hard for people who are like my son and not understanding these social cues. Life is hard to start of with.
Thank you and sorry for going on.
I’m sorry to hear that your son is having trouble. I am 22 with autism and I have trouble making friends. I’d love to penpal him sometime though I’m trying to branch out to other autistic adults. My email is saty5@comcast.net if he’s interested
I have a grandson who is 21 and has trouble making friends. Are you looking to penpal others?
Hi Elaine, i have just commented below about my son before reading all these posts and yours jumped out at me, i was just saying mine is nearly 30 and he seems to be getting worse at talking to strangers and is also becoming tactile when he talks to them so even more off putting for people in this current climate
It breaks my heart to see him not understanding why someone has walked away from him and other times it makes me want to hide away when i see peoples reactions x
My brother who as ASD has suddenly started chatting none stop, he is 55 and was alway the quiet type, he takes Proponal for his Anxiety, the chemist as changed his brand, and co incidently as started the nine top chatter, unfortunately it’s all negative stuff, so quite a struggle to deal with, I feel exhausted, he seems to be unable to stop doing it, I have asked if chemist puts him back on usual brand to see what happens
Thank you, your insight is very thought provoking as in past i have been informed Many times that i talk to much from family and friends over Many decades, somtimes abruptly and some times very sutterly even in the form of a gift of a book called mr chatter box so no room for amberguity as the title is quite telling, ive also had the chance to work for some time in pyscotherapy field and self reflection is somthing i regulary do proffessionaly and domesticly, so do i idenify with myself and this need to blurt and not self checked rabble from one subject to another and very easiely lose thread and or purpose from the origonal step off, it is no suprise to me that active listening training was particularly challenging, and was fortunate that my training required alot of personal development, the aspects of my behaver were in a caring but very honestly mirrored and reflected back to me for wich i am very greatful for, claity and self honesty is very important in keeping my self awearness in view, thanks again and look forward to learning more as, as more is understud for the benefit of many
I am curious to learn more about ASD people (children) who talk very little and find it unsettling to sit in a busy and noisy class, let alone engage in one.
I am a trainee teacher and am very interested in the varying aspects of this disorder.
Any comments would be so helpful!
I am criticised at work for being too quiet and serious. I cannot do ‘small talk’ in a convincing way or emote in a way that puts people at ease (apparently). It takes me a long time to relax. I’ve been pushed out of or made extremely unhappy at media jobs in busy open-plan offices because I just want to do my work and forget I am supposed to be smiling at the same time. I really feel discriminated against.
My Son is almost 30yrs old, he was given his Asperger and ADHD diagnosis at 8 years old, he has never been very good at judging when it is the right time to go and talk to a stranger but it is getting worse as he gets older, he doesn’t have any awareness that a person (Stranger) does want to engage in chat and the responses are very varied towards him, he also doesn’t notice the responses either, if i ask him to come away he responds to me by saying ‘Its OK mum they are fine about me’!! making that judgement based on how he feels himself
Over the past couple of years he also feels the need to talk with this hands and will tend to touch people, in this current climate it has been very difficult helping him understand the 2m rule, well in fact impossible.
I feel people we know are avoiding us now as he is so intrusive in peoples faces and commands their attention i have started to question recently whether this is actually Asperger or not as i know others with it who aren’t anywhere near as determined to speak to every body within their radius as my son
I’ve always been a chatterbox. I don’t want to chatter. I know I annoy people when I do, but usually I just can’t stop myself. Sometimes, I speak too fast; other times I speak too slowly. I am fully aware of the social cues. I can see in their faces and by their body language that they want me to stop – but I can’t.
It doesn’t matter if I’m on the phone or face to face. Usually, I can’t stop the verbiage.
I’m 64 now. I’ve been trying for the last sixty years to stop talking so much. Next to no success. As result of my inability to stop talking, I try to avoid people. I’m a recluse now. I’ve been bedridden for the last two years with severe anxiety and depression.
Well I am trying to think of a way to stop myself before I begin to chat to unwary strangers. When my son is with me he sometimes just says to me something like, no you don’t have to speak to them just walk on. Etc. So when I am by myself I am trying to think of a switch word which will change my thinking at that time. .. anybody got some ideas?