Does being autistic mean you lack empathy?

Written on 11th Jul 2014 by Alex Lowery

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It has been said for many years that those with autism lack or simply don’t have the ability to empathize with those around them. However, many people who are on the autistic spectrum say that they do experience empathy, maybe even very strong empathy, but for some reasons they just don’t express it much. Today, I’m going to be talking about my opinion on this, based on both my own experiences as well as what others who are on the spectrum have said, and try to answer the question, “Do people with autism really lack empathy, or is this just the experts misunderstanding us?”

I found an article online that seemed to indicate that people with Asperger’s Syndrome don’t lack empathy. It said that if anything, they experience too much empathy to the point where they feel others emotions too intensely to cope. You can view this article here.

I do find that I genuinely do lack empathy, at least in a lot of ways. When someone is upset about something, it won’t usually be affecting me at all. Other people (from what I understand) may start crying if they see someone else in tears at an emotional time. However, it doesn’t really affect me. I also find that if I know someone who’s sick, I won’t be experiencing empathy like others would.  I believe there are two reasons for a lack of empathy in these situations. One is that it’s very hard for me to imagine how I’d feel in a situation when I’m not in it and another is, how I often feel in a situation will be different from how another person will feel, so it’s very hard for me to feel empathy like that.

You’re probably thinking that I disagree with those who say that people on the spectrum have strong empathy, but just bare with me….  I still have more to say.

I often feel like I must have no empathy, but when I really think about it, this actually isn’t true! I actually do experience empathy, but generally in a different way from other people. When I watch a film, and see a really painful thing happen to someone, I often feel like I am literally feeling their pain. In the past, I have even gone far enough to shout “OUCH!!!” at the screen, just because of how painful it looks. It’s the same when I’m learning history, and I hear about a person in history’s painful death in great detail!  So in that sense, I am feeling empathy, but it’s an empathy (that as far as I’m aware) doesn’t affect other people quite so much. While I’m on the subject, I’ll bring up that I hate the word “skin” for similar reasons. When someone says the word “skin”, I start feeling like I or someone else is being skinned alive or something horrible like that. I’m feeling a little sick even typing this out now.

I also feel other types of empathy when I’m watching films, etc. In fact – I even experienced this as a little to kid to a certain extent. Well, maybe not empathy, but certainly sympathy. I remember when I was very young, I watched a cartoon (I think it may have been Loony Tunes or something). Anyway, in this cartoon a man was cooking food on a BBQ and as he turned around, he saw his house burning down (or something along those lines. I can’t remember exactly) and as he turned around, he started crying his eyes out. I started feeling really sorry for this man who had lost his house

I also remember there were a few episodes of ‘Thomas the Tank engine’ that made me feel sad too. I remember watching an episode of Thomas where Trevor was found scrapped, because he was old, rusty and no-one wanted him anymore. I remember when seeing this, I felt genuinely bad for Trevor. Even during the night, I’d have nightmares about him. I felt really sad just looking at him!

 

There was another episode of Thomas where Henry (one of the main characters) had become lazy. He stayed under the tunnel and refused to come out no matter who tried to persuade him. It was eventually agreed that they’d build bricks on either side of the tunnel, so that he could never come out again. I remember feeling ever so sorry for Henry!

As you’ve probably gathered, I seem to have more empathy/sympathy for fictional characters than real ones. However, my empathy doesn’t end there! Even though I often don’t understand how others feel, and can’t empathize very well, when an unfortunate event happens to me I’ll feel bad, and if I see the same thing happen to someone else, I sometimes do feel empathy for them. For example – one of my pet-peeves (which is probably a silly one, but that’s not the point) is when someone doesn’t answer my questions online for no good reason. When I see other people ask the same question several times, but don’t get a reply even when the person is clearly reading them, not only do I feel empathy; but I actually get rather annoyed with the person for not replying. I don’t say this to them, but I think it. Anyway, weather that’s silly or not, the point is that I have experienced empathy in that way. I often feel like I don’t have empathy, but when I really think about it, I actually do have it, but just in a different way from other people.

Now, going back to the original question, I have heard a few people with autism say that they experience too much empathy to the point where they feel like they are literally feeling exactly what another person is feeling.

Now I will try to answer the question, “Do people with autism really lack empathy, or is it just the experts misunderstanding us?” Going by my own experiences and what other people have said, I don’t believe that there is a set answer to this question. Like with so many aspects of autism, it varies from person to person. I think some really do lack empathy and others may even have too much. However, speaking from my own experiences, I’d say that I do have it, but experience it a way that others don’t. However, even with the empathy that I have, I can’t really express it very well to other people.

Obviously I can’t speak for everybody on the spectrum, because we are all different, but I think it’s likely the case for a lot of  people with autism to have empathy (maybe even strong empathy) but experience it in a way that others don’t. In fact, autism in general seems like that to me. You can lack a thing that others have, but make up for it in other ways.

Well, thank you for reading. I hope you found this article insightful. Please be sure to leave comments. If you’re on the spectrum yourself, feel free to let me know how you view your own empathy. Maybe you have a different view from me, and if you do then that’s fine. There’s always two sides to every argument. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

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