‘Parenting a teen or a young adult with Asperger Syndrome’ by Brenda Boyd – A book Review

Written on 25th Nov 2013 by Sylvia Lowery

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A book review on the book ‘Parenting a Teen or Adult with Asperger Syndrome’ by Brenda Boyd. You can find details of the book here.

All parents find the teen years challenging, however, if your child has Asperger Syndrome or Autism, then it feels like having those challenges on steroids. Brenda Boyd, the author of this book, has lived through the teenage years and has come out the other side. Her son, Kenneth, was 23 when she wrote this book. This book is aimed mainly at parents and is written from a parents perspective although anyone who wants to help a young person with Asperger’s Syndrome would benefit from reading this book.

Brenda isn’t writing from the lofty position of having got everything right. Rather she introduced the book by sharing how at one point she couldn’t cope with her son Kenneth’s behaviour and had to send him to live with his father. Brenda has written this book from the position of a parent who has made mistakes and learnt from those mistakes and is now able to share her wisdom.

This book is built upon the very foundations of unconditional love, however this is not portrayed as a ‘soft’ emotional love. Rather it is a book that calls for a gritty determination to help young people with AS to be the best they can. The message is about a partnership and mutual respect where parents and carers take time and effort to understand what it’s like to live with AS.

 

Brenda Boyd calls upon the parent to look deep within themselves to remember what is felt like to be an adolescent. She also asks family members to acknowledge AS traits in themselves, and to use this knowledge to gain a greater understanding of what the young person with AS is going through. This book has a section on extreme behaviours, which contains practical advice like putting steps in place, where ever possible, to prevent extreme behaviours before they occur. She also talks about ‘trying tough love’. I like the way she recognises that some young people with AS may not respond to this and so uses the word ‘try’.

This book is mainly written in a short point format and has 325 of these. The points are written in a clear way and contain advice that could only be learnt by parenting an individual with autism. These points are very helpful to provide a first point of advice that can be built on through further research.  An example of what I mean is point 162 which talks about teaching that mistakes help you to learn. This is a true and helpful point, however, my son, Alex, had a real anxiety about making mistakes and needs a lot more input than this simple approach. Brenda points out the importance of seeking professional help whenever needed.

Overall, this is a good handy book to have on your shelf. It’s like having a parent who’s been through the thing you have been through, and has come out the other side, in your home, ready to give advice on any question you can think of. A very useful resource for those whose AS young people are heading towards or going through adolescence.

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